I arrived at salsa a little nervous. Feeling, I guess, some shade of performance anxiety. Last week I was channeling the flow so clearly that Yemayah would have been proud, not a trace of doubt or distraction. And oh, the expectations I imagined I’d created.
But I was feeling less orisha-goddess-tuned-in as I arrived. ‘What if I don’t have it today?’ ‘what if I’m not infectiously connected today?’ came the nerves, ego wanting to be desired.
And then, off to an imperfect start, nirvana not immediate. But. As the music soaked into me, rhythms guiding me to follow, my worries softened along with my performance-anxiety, and I re-membered that instead of exerting my will, striving striving, I can also enter the consummate flow through receptivity. Softening, allowing myself to not know, but to be guided and lead by the moment, by the music, by whomever my partner happens to be in each moment. Once the music and movement sprinkles their alchemy into my nervous system, I see that in order to see and be part of the beauty, I only need to soften my striving and be willing to connect with my partner. By focusing on the willingness to connect with the moment, with my partner, with the music, the performance transcends into the pleasure and joy that lives out of reach of my ego.